Thanks to everyone who prayed for my sick roommate and me. She’s better, and I didn’t get sick. (Yay!)

On Wednesday, I gave a speech in my COMS 101 course. I had volunteered to go first, thinking that a 5-minute informative speech with a visual aid would be a breeze for a national-level Illustrated Oratory speaker.

As I worked on all the requirements of the assignment, I started to think through the speech in detail. My classmates know that I’ve competed in debate and am on the forensics team, and I felt like they were going to expect a really awesome, flawless speech. Actually, that’s what I expected myself. I ended up worrying about it and psyching myself up about it and then finishing the outline and citations at the last minute.

Literally. I printed them off as I was walking out the door to go to class and then barely arrived on time.

By the time I got to class, I had made myself so nervous that I gave what was probably my worst platform speech since my second year of competition. I stumbled over my words and had an awkward walking pattern and went way over time and all in all felt like I did terrible.

Now, my role model in forensics taught me that you can get away with half your mistakes just by acting confident and poised, and that’s true. My classmates were very encouraging, and my teacher gave quite a few positive comments, so perhaps what was a nervous, out-of-practice speech for me was a decent enough speech for the assignment. But I still tasted a tiny bit of that emotional devastation we tend to feel when we screw up at the one thing we expect ourselves to be good at.

This is where I messed up: I tried too hard. No one but me was expecting a speech that looked like it came from the final round at a national tournament. I keep forgetting that my identity and my worth are not determined by what I do but by God.

Pride-driven, perfectionistic works are exactly what God doesn’t want from us. That’s where the law-obsessed New Testament Jews tripped on the gospel. God wrote through Paul in Romans 11, “At the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace. And if by grace, it is no longer by works—if it were, grace would no longer be grace! What then? What Israel sought so earnestly it did not obtain, but the elect did.” What Israel sought through the keeping the law was God’s righteousness—perfection.

If you’re trying to impress God or the people around you by working hard to be perfect, stop. Learn from my mistake. There’s nothing wrong with aiming for excellence, but use your mistakes as a chance to thank God for His grace.